1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
