i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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