I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
