Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
