I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
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I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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