That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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