This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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