words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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