I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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