Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
