Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
