I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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