I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
