There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
