The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sponge bath it is.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was a blind-side dick pic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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