I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
