If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
