Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
