Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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