sarcasm needs its own font
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
