I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
