Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
