this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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