And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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