Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
