Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
