So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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