Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
