i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She told me I should be a condom model.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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