So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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