Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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