Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He better not be in your backpack
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
