Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
