Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
