all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
