glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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