if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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