Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
