So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think a kid would responsible me up
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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