Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
