so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
