the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
