Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
barbara walters just said penis...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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