I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
