bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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