Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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