if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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