new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize