who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
