So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
