If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
