I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
