franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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