Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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