I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
