don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
