I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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