Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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