Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
