Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
