i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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