my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
