i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
