i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
