There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
