how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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