Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
