She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
