the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
