Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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